Erik Bragg's Internet Litter

Fashion Tip Fridays: Shoe Polish

erik-bragg-black-ghostbuster-blackface
Erik Bragg as Ghostbuster Winston Zeddemore. 2nd place in kindergarten Halloween contest. 1989.

I wanted to be a Ghostbuster for Halloween when I was in kindergarten, but I wore my Ghostbuster sweats to bed and played with my Proton Pack all the time.  So how could I still make it special and be a Ghostbuster? I could be Winston Zeddemore, the black one!

Apparently, to my mom and I, this was as easy as rubbing black shoe polish on my face, puckering my lips to make them bigger, and putting on some fucked up Edward Scissorhands wig.  I don’t get it because Winston had a shaved head and I wasn’t even close to matching the skin tone.  What a terrible costume.

Sorry for the shitty costume, Ernie Hudson. I was only 5.

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Fashion Tip Fridays: You’re Not Funny & Neither Is Your Stupid Shirt

funny-shirts-arent-funnyFunny shirts aren’t funny.  It’s like somebody telling you the same bad joke every time you look at them.

I modified this guy’s stupid face to express how annoying he is in his stupid shirt.  I don’t know what it is that makes every 2-bit, humorless, asshat think they’re going to turn into Steven Wright or Mitch Hedberg after slipping on a “clever” shirt they picked up at the mall.

You’re not funny.  Stop bothering me. If you want to make me laugh, just fart.  Haha, never gets old.

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Fashion Tip Fridays: InvisiBurns

Clip by Eriiic. Hella fancy motion graphics by me.

Unless Wolverine, John Lennon, and Elvis gangbanged your mom in front of you on your birthday and Ambrose Burnside brought you a box of dogshit with a bow on it, I don’t know how someone could hate sideburns so much they’d shave them off at the sunglasses line.  It looks stupid.  They’re too short.  Figure it out.

sideburn-gangbang-on-your-birthday

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Fashion Tip Fridays: Buff Chicks

Buff Chicks Will Rip Your Dick Off

For once, I’m proud to live in a lazy ass country.  If we were all determined and shit, our chicks would look like this psyc-ho.  I don’t know what kind of dude could be attracted to this level of kung fu grip.  Seriously, I’d be afraid she’d rip it off if shit wasn’t going her way.  Stay lazy ladies, but not too lazy.

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Fashion Tip Fridays: Mongo Moccasins

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This dude is super good at blowing it.  I don’t even know where to start so I’ll just list the violations in no particular order.

  • Don’t wear your little sisters socks.
  • How about 1 set of wheels?  Pool shredder in the front, manny mania in the back?  Doubt it.
  • I’d wear wacky-ass shorts like that.  Fuck it.  But it’s all just too much today, guy.
  • Push with your back foot, goober!  The dude was like 20 and skating with 4 friends and they were all mongo.  Look at the dude next to him!
  • Do I even have to bring up the fucking moccasins? Get bent, helmet.
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Fashion Tip Fridays: Pony Fail

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A pony tail will help secure your hair in a fashion that will allow you to participate in physical activities with little or no interference from said hair.

This brainless wonder didn’t understand that concept.  He turned the back of his head into a paint brush and then added 2 feet of dangling, interfering shoe string to his program.  In short, Pony Fail.

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Fashion Tip Fridays: Ghetto Gowns

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Hell yeah!  Any dude who is gangsta enough to wear a dress is hard as fuck.

epic-fail-baggy-shirt-fail andrew-pott-singingI couldn’t find too many examples of the ghetto gown on the internet but I’m sure you’ve seen these super-shirts floating around the cutty parts of your hood.  A ghetto gown is a just a long-ass shirt and they’re awesome.  I was first turned out to the trend by shirtboarder, Andrew Pott (pictured spread eagle on right).  He used to skate chino park and before he was all sponsored ‘n junk we knew him as “Triple X L”.

I don’t know who makes them or what the hell it says on the tag, but I want in.  Send me some photos of some more of these kross-dressed killas or better yet, just send me an actual ghetto gown so I can get down, clown.

UPDATE: Ghetto Gown in motion: Austin Namba – Shawn

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Fashion Tip Fridays: Tarded Tube Boob

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Maybe it’s fun for y’all to smash your love muffins into one overflowing uni-boob, but it makes your winnebagos look retarded.

There has got to be a better way for you ladies to show off your shoulders.  Figure it out and stop with this madness.

Send me some more terrible tube boob examples and help me save this world, 2 boobs at a time.

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Fashion Tip Fridays: Socks & A Shirt

fashion-tip-fridays-shirt-and-socksYeah right!  Can you imagine!?  Even in the heat of passion, I would have the wherewithal not to walk around in this get-up.

There isn’t a more emasculating combo you could get yourself into.  Make sure to come back next Friday for another uninspiring installment of Fashion Tip Fridays.

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White Shoes & Sunglasses Are Wack

white-shoes-are-gay1Wear whatever you want, but good luck finding me in a pair of white shoes or sunglasses… ever.  Every time I see a dude in white shoes I expect him to be wearing a stethoscope.

Maybe if I had some rad suit on I’d do it, but I’ve never had a rad suit on so I don’t know.  I’d wear albino crocodile kicks and a dundee hat.  It’s the all white tennis/skate/walking/chillin’ shoes that really make you look like a  male nurse.

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